Forgiveness is difficult, humanly speaking. It is easier
to pray for your enemies to ‘fall and die’ than to forgive them. It is more
gratifying to get revenge, to match fire with fire, than to let go. I wrestled
for months before I could forgive a man who deeply wronged me several years
ago.
A woman asked me: “If I forgive my unfaithful and
physically abusive fiancé, does it mean I should still marry him?” Answer: no.
Forgive and run for your life.
Is it possible to forgive and forget? Sometimes you
forget. Other times you won’t, and that’s not a problem. The human memory is
not a blackboard that you could just wipe off with a duster. However,
forgiveness does mean that you have completely and unconditionally released the
person that wronged you and that that even when you remember, the incident no
longer triggers the hurt and pain it used to. The hurt and bitterness are gone.
Here are five reasons why you must forgive:
(1) Bitterness destroys you, not the other person. Nursing
a grudge in your heart is like carrying acid. Modern medical research has shown
strong correlation between certain diseases like ulcer and cancer with the
emotion of anger, hate and bitterness. An acidic mind produces a sick body. The
person against whom you are bitter might be sleeping soundly in his house, but
there you are turning and churning in your bed, unable to sleep. It is
definitely in your self interest to pour away the acid from your heart before
it consumes you.
(2) Bitterness sabotages your success. In the mid
eighties, a young woman bitterly insulted her mother, creating deep acrimony
between them. She got married and became pregnant. When her time of her
delivery arrived, she was in distressful labor for three days, and surgery was
not an option at that point. Their neighbors pleaded with her mother to go see
her at the hospital. At first, she refused, but mother being mother, later
went. As mother stepped into the labor room, daughter cried, “Mother, I am
sorry.” Within minutes she had her baby. Are you in a situation where nothing
you do goes well? Check if you have deep-seated grudges in your heart against
people. Unless you forgive, you cannot move forward.
(3) You might do something stupid. Just few weeks ago, a
chief in a community in South East sent an SOS to the police for protection. He
alleged that two other chiefs were after him because he disagreed with them
regarding a political matter. Less than three days after, the old man was
murdered in cold blood. A heart filled with bitterness is a breeding ground for
snakes. You could kill. You could start visiting native doctors to prepare
revenge for you, even though no one in your family ever visited native doctors.
And once you carry out your deadly revenge, your life never remains the same
again. Get rid of the bitterness brooding in your heart before it makes a demon
out of you.
(4) Forgiveness is the secret of spiritual power. You have
heard the famous quote: “To err is human, to forgive is divine.” In the
spiritual world, the man who forgives is more powerful that the one who takes
revenge. When Christ was being killed and hammered to a tree, He looked up to
heaven and prayed for his killers: “Father, forgive them for they know not what
they do.” When Nelson Mandela came out from prison, he left all the bitterness
against his oppressors behind him in the prison. Today, Mandela is one of the
greatest humans alive and the United Nations has set aside a day every year to
honor him, because he dared to forgive.
(5) Forgiveness is a key to achieving more, having more,
being more. You cannot receive forgiveness unless you offer it. You cannot grow
bigger than your heart. The more you forgive, the more you are forgiven. This
is a magic key that gives you access to the riches of the universe.
Don’t Procrastinate, Do it Now!
Don’t ever die with unforgiveness in your heart. Don’t
carry bitterness into the next world. That would be your worst tragedy.
Reach out to someone you must forgive. Make peace with
your spouse now. Pick up your phone; call your friends, in-laws, neighbours, co-workers,
and make peace. Get the poison out of your system today. Don’t wait for people
to ask for your forgiveness before you offer it. If you have offended someone
and need their forgiveness, pick up your phone and call now. May God grant you
peace.
